On long backpacking trips sometimes I have thoughts. Some are important and I keep those to myself. Others are silly and I share them here. Here are 10 of those “thoughts in progress” from my trek through Olympic National Park and the wilderness coast in July of 2016. Enjoy!
Millennials are more likely able to identify 150 Pokemon than a real animal in the wilderness.
Don’t try to identify the swarm of insects buzzing around your head. Just run and swat wildly.
I am more afraid of people than I am of bears because bears aren’t fucking crazy.
The National Parks are museums displaying what the Earth looked like before humans made her ugly.
The great thing about solo trekking is no one can see how awful you look or terrible you smell after a week without a shower.
Don’t buy a cook system you aren’t willing to throw on a fire when you run out of fuel and really need a hot bowl of shin ramen.
When you’re in a lot of pain, you’ll start holding your breath for no reason and making lots of weird groaning noises like that constipated dude in the airport bathroom.
These steps won’t help you hatch an egg.
Burping is like farting with your face but not funny.
Sometimes I pretend my tent is a spaceship and when I wake up in the morning I’m on a different planet.